I do miss him alot!:'(

Hey peeps sup?
Ok firstly I would like to say a huge thanx to my girlfriend syicca..b/c she make me realise tht I cnt live without nick..mybe its sound crazy.but yea its a fact!!!she told me that "atikah U kindda change then i ask her  "change?wht do u mean?i change like wht?" at first she was afraid to tell me.but I force her.so she decide to tell me then..she says "yea u change like, since u in love with MARTIN u dnt care bout NICK anymore its like u 4rget him..all u keep saying now is MARTIN,MARTIN,n MARTIN ALL THE TIME!" n yea I do realise it that I dnt cre bout nick anymore all I cre now is martin..obviously I was crying last night when I think bout nick..i miss him so badly..n I guess MY LIFE WOULD NEVER BE PERFECT WITHOUT HIM!!some kind of ppl might say tht im crazy but this is the reality..ok mybe im nt having any relationship with any of them..but I do love nick like how I love my future boyfriend or maybe more..im sorry..but I jst cnt stp this feeling the mre I try the mre it cme bck to me..owh God cn u tell me wht does it mean?i try to skip n cancel him frm my mind my heart but I just cnt..he keep coming bck to me..its like "STRAIGHT THROUGH MY HEART SINGLE BULLET GOT ME I CNT STOP LOVING HIM" If he THE ONE?or IM JUST DREAMING?ouh God im beggin u to show me whats the meaning of all this?:'( n Nick y u hve to be the most romantic,sweetest,cute,caring,lovely,hot guy?y cnt any guy be like u?i dnt wnt much just THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND..but I wont stop pray to God if I would find some1 like nick or maybe HIM would be mine 4ever..im still waiting 4 him n everything is in God hands!